Aprosexic balloon

watching the world unwind

Monday, November 28, 2011


Me: "If they've got door handles, door latches and door hinges, they must have door locks?"
MrsD: "Well I can't see any. I'm going to ask at Customer Services."
Brain Dead Employee: "Well, if we've got them, they'll be here."
Me: (Not Out Loud)'No shit, Sherlock. And there's me thinking they'd be amongst the tins of fecking paint'.
"You've got everything else, you must have some?"
BDE: "That's Wickes for you! You'd better try B&Q."
Me: (wandering down the aisle before I break someone's nose) "Ah, here they are. But you've only got brass or chrome - no nickel ones?"
BDE: "Looks like B&Q then?"
Me: "Look, they've got one. Maybe they've got more in stock? Let's go to Customer Services"
@Customer Services
Me: "Do you have another one of these in stock?"
BDE: "Aren't there any others on the rack?"
Me: (Not Out Loud)'Yep, there were fifteen of them, but we wanted to watch you scouring the warehouse for a fresh one'.
BDE: Tap tap tap "The system says we've got three of them?"
Me: "What - in the warehouse?"
BDE: "No - on the rack"
Me: (Not Out Loud)'If I played this conversation back to you, would you have one brain cell that would make you realise how fecking stupid you are?'
"Oh, go fcuk yourself"

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