Aprosexic balloon

watching the world unwind

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Now the question is...

... and in the absence of functioning Comments (which seem to have disappeared during my enforced awayness - all suggestions for a replacement welcome. Hey - how can you, without a Comments box?) even if anyone cared they'd be unable to steer me. But do I go back to my original blogspot blog (which then took on the official domain until I let that lapse because of the fol-de-rol of FTP migration) and re-post my favourites here? After all, I wrote (most of) them for me (although the Comments were great fun too)and it's my life (history)? Just off to find a few new parentheses (have a think while I'm away?)

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Saturday, February 01, 2014


Creeeaakkkkk... Oh my lord, look at the place- inches of dust! This is going to need a leaf-blower, not a vacuum cleaner! My current employer doesn't block Blogger, but I've been so manically busy since I got TUPEd across to them last October, there's just been no time to get back into regular blogging. But when this firm completes its sale to another company later this year, it'll mean I've had four employers in a year without changing job - and who knows what the new firm will allow/encourage/block? Meanwhile - for the first time in almost 10 years, I can see the sky during the day, watch glorious sunrises and sunsets across the City of London from our 9th floor windows and watch Harris hawks being flown to scare away the flying rats that congregate around the building. Anyway, a very rare treat the other day - I got a seat on the train on the commute into work (nigh on £4k per annum for a season ticket doesn't even guarantee me a perch in the luggage rack /rant. Opposite me was a man in his early thirties and a grey suit. He had a long, narrow head and parchment skin leached of blood. A nail of a mouth sat under a triangular nose, above which a high forehead - topped by a small fringe of hair - housed two dead, grey, lifeless eyes - like a shark's. Only the absence of a bolt through his neck stopped him from looking as if he was on his way to an audition for the part of Frankenstein's monster!

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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

On manic street-preachers

Yelling the name of Jesus Christ at people - in a volume to make their ears bleed - is never going to convert them to christianity!

Hot-gospellers at both ends of London Bridge 'smornin'...

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Monday, November 28, 2011


Me: "If they've got door handles, door latches and door hinges, they must have door locks?"
MrsD: "Well I can't see any. I'm going to ask at Customer Services."
Brain Dead Employee: "Well, if we've got them, they'll be here."
Me: (Not Out Loud)'No shit, Sherlock. And there's me thinking they'd be amongst the tins of fecking paint'.
"You've got everything else, you must have some?"
BDE: "That's Wickes for you! You'd better try B&Q."
Me: (wandering down the aisle before I break someone's nose) "Ah, here they are. But you've only got brass or chrome - no nickel ones?"
BDE: "Looks like B&Q then?"
Me: "Look, they've got one. Maybe they've got more in stock? Let's go to Customer Services"
@Customer Services
Me: "Do you have another one of these in stock?"
BDE: "Aren't there any others on the rack?"
Me: (Not Out Loud)'Yep, there were fifteen of them, but we wanted to watch you scouring the warehouse for a fresh one'.
BDE: Tap tap tap "The system says we've got three of them?"
Me: "What - in the warehouse?"
BDE: "No - on the rack"
Me: (Not Out Loud)'If I played this conversation back to you, would you have one brain cell that would make you realise how fecking stupid you are?'
"Oh, go fcuk yourself"

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Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Minging Klingon with a chignon

Now I'll be the first to admit that I am not suitable material for an oil painting, but there was a double-bagger* of a woman on the train this morning who was so unspeakably ugly, she was virtually an alien?

Her hair was piled on the top of her head in an array that couldn't even be classed as an afterthought and she looked not so much as if she'd been pulled through a hedge backwards, more force-fed through Becher's Brook.

Still, she had an engagement ring on, so someone must love 'er..

* Two bags over the head - in case the first one comes off


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Monday, September 26, 2011

It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new world..

After many years of faultless service, my trusty Nokia 6170 brick of a moby has been sent to cellphone heaven.

Which is actually at a childminding friend's home, where, amongst the many diversions, she lets her clientele play with old mobies (sans SIM, of course) pretending to 'phone each other!

It's replacement was a joy to buy.. maximum of 6 minutes from entering the shop to exiting - now that's my idea of heaven.

Me: "I'd like to buy a San Francisco, please"
Shop Assistant: "White or grey, Sir?"
Me: "Grey, please"
SA: "Can I have your SIM and PIN, please?" (quick switchover)
"That will be £86 after deducting your Phone Fund credit. Thank you and enjoy your new 'phone."

Absolute shopping bliss! Nice one, Orange!

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Bothered, bewildered and bewitched

"Forgive me Blogworld, for I have sinned; it has been over a year since my last confession. Er... post."

The title has been 're-ordered' from the original song's lyrics, but having finally worked out how to remove the auto-redirect to Blogrolling.com, I've now been shamed by Herself into posting for the first time in a very long while.

Mainly, pressure of work's been to blame, since following a hugely-impacting re-structure, my job has increased by at least 100%, so the time I would normally give over to posting is swallowed up by other demands.

But I do miss it, so maybe some (blog)time-management is in order?


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